Graceless Duck
by TheGreatLyagushka
Summary: Walter is excited to combat the Nazis who have been giving the rest of the world such a difficult time, but he won't be doing so alone. Can the Brat of a vampire hunter get along with the King of Vampires himself? Especially when the King appears in the form of a very cute young girl? Rated T for safety. May change it later on.
1. Chapter 1

"Now, listen here boy. This war is in full swing, and the Germans are doing all they can to push us back. And doing quite well at it." Walter snorted slightly, rolling his sucker from one side of his mouth to the other. It was no coffin nail, but it did well enough for right now. Albert Legrow, the head butler to the Hellsings, and by extension, his boss, made it very, very clear he did not approve of a fourteen year old boy smoking. All as well though. Walter was simply waiting for the day when the old wanker finally keeled from all that hair of dog he was so fond of.

"You'll be working with Alucard."

"Will I now?"

"You're damn lucky boy. So quit acting like a complete brat and get yourself ready. I don't believe it so, but Hellsing thinks you could actually do SOMETHING to help with the war. And I am not one to go against my master's orders. Besides, if you die, I won't have to put up with you any longer."

"Wonderfully kind. Thank you so much you bloody cunt." Walter was used to these sorts of things being hurled at him. Though he had been chosen by the great Arthur Hellsing himself to succeed the slowly dying butler that now stood in front of him, most of the twelve thought he was simply and only an arrogant, egotistical, spoiled, uncontrollable child, with no skills to praise besides the fact that he could lay entire squads of men to waste in less than fifteen seconds. Not that he particularly disagreed; if you were good at something, why waste your time pursuing other endeavors? And he knew he was good. Why waste his time learning politics and philosophy when the only two skills he had, and needed, were the astonishing ability to relieve a solider of any body part you asked in record time and brewing a damn fine cup of tea.

He pulled his small pack closer to him as he sauntered out. The air was nippy tonight, even for London, and it was beginning to sink to his bones. Behind him, he dragged a huge coffin, black as ebony and lacquered to hell and back. He thought it was hideous. A loud roar howled through the cold night as the copter landed like a graceless duck in front of him. With a soft grunt, he pushed his thick black hair away from his face, and manhandled the coffin into the screeching bird. "Goodbye London..." he grumbled, reaching into his vest for a cigarette. "Fuck me. Of course." it seemed as though Albert had taken the moment he spent staring in disgust at Alucard's gaudy coffin to pickpocket him, nicking both his smokes and his silver Zippo. He threw himself childishly into the body of the copter after the coffin. He could always steal a pack from a soldier. Not like they would be needing it anytime soon. He tucked his legs inside the cabin and pulled the heavy door shut, throwing it momentarily into pitch blackness. Then the lights kicked on, and Walter pulled his black gloves from the recesses of his duffel. If nothing else, it would be a great way to get rid of some pent up energy.


	2. Chapter 2

The idiot American in front of him slumbered on, even as the copter hit a rough patch. Walter groaned and shot a glance back at the black coffin resting on the floor, thumping occasionally with the movement of the bird. He was terribly bored, and half considered opening the lid to the box and seeing what this Alucard looked like. He grinned slightly. Better not to, seeing as the vampire king wouldn't even be needed. For the third time in about four hours, he reached into his vest pocket and sighed. Still no smokes. "Oi. Wake up!" he snapped his fingers in front of the soldier's face, scowling in distaste as the man gave him a painfully dopey look, blinking dumbly. "Wha…?" he grumbled, removing his helmet and mussing his sandy blonde hair.

"I need tobacco. Give me a cigarette."

"What? Hell no! What are you, twelve? I can't give you a smo-"

Walter cut the man off by using his threads to pilfer the pack of American Spirits out of his breast pocket, along with a shitty orange plastic lighter. He grinned and popped one between his lips and lit it, his body reacting to the nicotine by going slightly dizzy. "These taste like shit." he flipped the pack in his hand "'made in the USA?' No wonder they taste like shit. You bloody Yankees can't manage much, can you?" he inhaled deeply, wincing at the heavy taste in his mouth. It was almost muddy, an unclean taste. He shook his hair from his eyes and looked out the window, feeling an exciting chill running through his body, centering in his crotch. "Ah, just about there!" his voice raised slightly in pitch, like an overly excited child. He glanced at his watch. Five more minutes. Five more minutes before he'd be in blissful combat.

He threw the cabin door open, enjoying the freezing rush of winter air screaming in. Now to get the coffin. He used his threads to drag the heavy box towards the door and stood it up, foot resting on the back to kick it from the copter.

"Well, thanks, I guess."

"You're really going in there, aren't you?"

"Of course I am. I have to take the bloody coffin here, but I'll be beating those Nazi fucks all by myself."

The soldier sighed "I feel bad about letting a twelve year old go in to do a mans job, but good luck kid."

"Fourteen."

"Huh?"

"I'm fourteen, you wanker." he smiled and tossed the American a peace sign. "I'll be fine."

"Wait! You need a parachute, you stupid kid!"

"Naw. Not really."

Thunk! There went the coffin, sailing through the air as gracefully as one would expect a heavy box to fall, and then Walter after it, screeching in ecstasy as the frigid wind whipped his clothes and hair in uncontrollable waves around his body. His stomach rose to the very top of his throat as he fell, approaching the ground ever faster. He grinned, cigarette still clutched between his teeth and flipped himself easily, grabbing the nearest house with his wires to slow him. With a shriek, the walls slid into two pieces, but he was safe now, to hell with the stupid house. The building in front of him was his real target.

With a wild whoop, he slammed his foot through the glass of the window, landing neatly, with the damn coffin in tow, right in the middle of a Nazi dinner party.


	3. Chapter 3

The scene inside gave even Walter pause; two men hovered over who he assumed was the Major as the chubby blonde tore into his meal as though it were his last. The man hardly looked up from his food, seemingly unsurprised by the fact that a teenager and a coffin had just shattered the window and interrupted. Walter scowled. They weren't even paying him any attention! He slammed his foot down like an irritated child, kicking up a silver butter knife and then hurling it at the group in front of him.

The Major didn't even flinch as it sailed towards his face, just kept eating as his flunkey caught the blade with his arm.

"Oi, fatass. I'm here. Pay attention 'cause I'm gonna take you wankers down single handedly."

"I do so hate being interrupted during a fine meal. Vhy are you here?" his voice was horribly grating, high pitched and sing song. "Doc, this sauerkraut is simply amazing. Vhere did you get it?"

"I made it myself, Major!"

"Das ist gut, das ist gut!"

Walter cocked an eyebrow. These Nazi bastards had definitely lost the plot, without a doubt. He sighed loudly and turned to the coffin behind him. "Well, Alucard. Do you want any of this fight? I'm entirely happy to take it mysel-"

"The hell you will." the voice coming from the coffin was high pitched, immature. Like a little girl.

"Oho, not quite what I was expecting!" Walter coughed quietly to cover the fact that he was shocked. Why was a little girl's voice coming from the inside of the Vampire King's coffin?

"Was it not? The form doesn't matter much to me. I can take any form after all." a tiny girl, twelve tops, stepped from the inky darkness inside the coffin, her tiny gloved hands pushing the heavy lid away with no effort at all.

Walter tilted his head slightly. He supposed she...he? She looked the part of a vampire: blue black, stick straight, waist length hair with blunt cut bangs, a pallor that could only be matched by a corpse, then there were the eyes to contend with. They shimmered from behind her long lashes like two garnets of deepest red soaked in blood. She was actually quite cute, if Walter wagoing to be honest.

"Well. Are you going to stand there like a dumbstruck schoolboy, or shall we massacre the nazi's?" s...he smirked, pulling a piece.

"Does a little girl like you really need all that fire power?"

"That depends. You like your head attached?"

"I have grown quite used to it, yeah."

"Then I do."

The Major clapped quietly, then stood with an earpiercing cackle. "Vell, Captain. I leave them to you. Have funnnnn!"


	4. Chapter 4

TGL here! I just wanted to say two things: 1. I'm not a hundred percent sure which pronoun is correct to use for Girlycard. I think I'm going to use "he", seeing as he appears as male for the entirety of the manga minus a few panels.

2\. I have no clue how I'm gonna end this. Or how graphic I'm gonna go with this. If anyone has any ideas, or suggestions, please feel free to message me your ideas!

Edit: fuck me sideways! I didn't even think to check this chapter. I used my phone to post it, sooo...no more of that apparently!

Alucard let out a wicked cackle and turned to the hulking beast of a man standing between them and The Major. "I didn't think your kind existed anymore, wolf."

"Wolf huh?" Walter mumbled behind him, tugging his gloves more securely on. A real werewolf, how exciting! He dropped down into his stance, a lazy grin sprawling over his young features.

"Well, anything to say?" Walter teased, his wires zipping around him protectively. The man looked at him, intense crimson eyes glowing in the milky light from the singular lightbulb, hanging from an old wire. He snorted quietly and dipped his wolfish face slightly below the oversized collar of this drab military jacket, body tensing and he prepared to spring.

Alucard laughed and aimed his gun at the man, pulling the trigger three times in quick succession. The werewolf's body jerked as the bullets found their mark, but he seemed to shake it off quickly and lunged gracefully for the pair, his coat tails flying out behind him like wings.

"Come on then!" Walter howled, throwing his wires forward and wrapping them around the man's hands. He was completely taken aback when, instead of sheering them off at the root, the wires simply cut into his fingers. He gave a mighty tug, sending Walter's smaller frame flying, groaning as he hit the wall with a very solid thud and landed on his ass across the room.

"You could help, you know!"

"I could..." Alucard responded, his voice now a quiet drawl. His eyes sparkled with absolute malice and he aimed his gun for the werewolf's heart. "Can you shake this off?" He asked, pulling the trigger; the werewolf dodged easily and turned towards the vampire with a silent snarl. "Well, you are good, aren't you?" He smirked.

Walter had finally regained his feet, and was about to jump back into the fray, when he stopped to notice Alucard's form. She...he...looked so damn beautiful. The poor light made the vampire seem to glow, the crimson eyes staring from the dark, pristine white suit looking almost holy. His...her hair flowed like deepest shadow, lighting up with the flashes of the gun.

While he was admiring Alucard, the werewolf had closed the distance between himself and the vampire. Without a sound, he swung his leg into Alucard's head, completely obliterating it.


	5. Chapter 5

The room suddenly went silent. Walter couldn't hear reports from Alucard's gun any longer, nor the footsteps of the hulking werewolf as he began a seemingly slow motion sprint at him, nor the sound of his own shallow breaths as he watched a mass of shadows erupt from Alucard's gaping neck.

There was a sudden strong gust of what smelled like air from a tomb as the shadows began forming a new head for the vampire. "Well, well. You are strong." a Cheshire Cat grin formed in the swirling shadows, lined with razor teeth. "Walter, I'll leave him to you. I'm sure you can handle him just fine. I'm going after the Major."

"Wha- you bleeding cunt, you will not!"

Alucard just laughed and disappeared into a swarm of bats, leaving nothing but three spent shell casings in his wake. Walter let out an infuriated scream and turned just in time to take the Captain's foot full in the face, throwing him headlong into the wall he had just managed to free himself from.

"You bloody, worthless fucking mutt! Why don't you sit and stay!" he hurled his wires around the werewolf and pulled them as taut as they went; any normal person would be in a million little pieces on the floor after such an attack, but obviously this man was not normal in any sense. His skin was simply cut by the wires, hardly a scratch on him, and by the way he acted, it didn't hurt too much. Walter rose from the floor, spitting a mouthful of blood on the floor. "I'm so sick of bloody freaks. Sick. Of. Them." again and again, he lashed out with his wires and attempted to shred the werewolf's body. Absolutely nothing worked.

"What the bloody hell am I supposed to do them?!" he roared, climbing back out of the wall for the third time after being punched back into it.

"I can offer you a deallll!" the voice was nasal and about as grating as the Major's.

"Piss off will you?." Walter shot back, glaring at the mousey doctor in front of him. Specs so thick he was sure the Doc could see his soul were perched carefully on the bridge of his nose, and, Walter noted with disgust, his lab coat was gently dripping on the floor. Drip. Drip. Drip.

"You von't vin. You can't. You vill die here if you keep trying like that. Or...or, you could live. You could live so much better than any human!"

"The hell are you getting at loon?"

"You could be a vampire."

"Ahahaha! You lot really have lost the plot!" Walter snorted, and let a small giggle slip from him.

The Doc flushed indignantly, and glared. "I vas not kidding, you stupid boy! I can make it so! I am the only one vho could make you into one."

"Say I refuse?" Walter placed a hand on his hip and tilted his head in a childish manner.

"Captain? If you vould?"

As the Doc said that, Walter once again went flying through the air, this time with vicious canines buried about four inches into his left arm. He screamed, struggling to shake them, and only succeeded in burying them deeper.

"Now, if you vould rather not get to know that vall any more intimately than you already do, I'd come vith me."


	6. Chapter 6

TGL here. I just wanted to point out that I think I accidentally made that wall a running joke, oops. I was laughing my ass off when I typed one of Walter's responses to being thrown back into the wall. Also, Alucard has gone fuck all somewhere and I haven't even mentioned him in like 2 chapters. I don't have much else to say...Uhm. Reviews and critiques welcome, as always! If you like it, please fav or follow! You all are rule!

Walter glared, but followed after slumping slightly. He knew, even in his childish mind, even through arrogance, he wasn't going to win. There was simply no way. "Now, that's much easier, isn't it? I think you vill make a vonderful vampire!" the Doc chirped, clapping his hands eagerly. "Will you kindly stop being such an absolute creep. I dunno if you get off on little boys or what, but you are coming on way too strong." Walter quipped quietly, kicking a small chunk of wall that had been thrown down the hallway. The Doc paused for a moment, then said "Captain."

 _Smack!_

"STOP THROWING ME INTO THIS FUCKING WALL!" Walter screeched, cupping his now bruised cheek in one hand, and freeing himself from a support beam that he was currently tangled in. He staggered out, limping slightly.

"I vill make him stop, if you stop talking."

"Fine! I'll stop, you fucking freak." he grumbled moodily, and reached for a smoke from his pocket. Empty. Walter snarled and kicked a larger chunk of wall down the hallway with all his might, jaw twitching when it made a solid thud against the far wall.

The odd trio walked in silence for a few moments until they hit a large door with an ornately carved swastika adorning the handsome oak. "Vell, inside." the Doc said, pointing.

Walter opened his mouth to retort, but rethought that when the Captain gave him a warning look over his coat.

"Ye'sir..." he mumbled, his accent twisting the normally polite sounding response into sarcasm. "Fuck..."

"I'll let it slide. Just this once though." Doc pointed to the door and the white haired man with him threw his weight against it, heaving it open by pure force.

Walter looked around. The room was cold and spiritless, all dingy gray and chrome. It was downright hideous, he wasn't going to lie. There was a large examination table set up in the middle, surrounded by blinding spotlights that threw the rest of the room into menacing shadows. The Doc turned lightly and snapped his fingers, causing the Captain to hurry to the door and close it behind them. As the light from the hallway was choked out, Walter felt himself stiffen. Now he was stuck in the dark with a disgusting spider and his ugly watchdog


End file.
